Seaside Student Biscuits ahoy!

Week 10

I shouldn't abuse my new found blog powers for film critique, but having re-watched all six Star Wars films over the past week I feel I must share my feelings on the cinematic kick in the nuts that was, well, all of it. This would normally be the point to adequately sum up the film in a suitably sarcastic derogatory 'two-word' manner, such as; "It was crap. Two words: Anakin Skywalker". But it doesn't work for two reasons. 1) I need WAY more than two words to highlight what was so unacceptably dire, and 2) It doesn't work when you say "It was crap. 4 paragraphs..". The only person displaying a shred of acting talent in SIX FILMS was Liam Neeson, at the beginning, before he dies. You can tell Luke Skywalker is Anakin Skywalkers son before they're even introduced. Why? Because they're both whiny little bitches! The entire 2nd and 3rd films were Anakin throwing his toys out of the Pram, whilst the 4th and 5th were Luke doing the same. Only in the 6th did Luke seem to gain a little composure. They both also manage to drag out the two worst "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" scenes in the history of cinema. Nine people died during the making of the Exorcist I'm lead to believe, in an unfortunate accident. Nine people should have died during the making of Star Wars, George Lucas and the 8 main cast members sans Liam Neeson. Starting with Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman.

If you don't remember this gold nugget,

Anakin: "You are so beautiful."
Padme: "It's only because I'm so in love with you."
Anakin: "No, it's because I'm so in love with you."

The sickening part is not only was someone paid to write it, but that was shot, reshot, edited together, sold, and not ONE person stopped and said "Guys, is this not a bit shit?". The speed at which they fall in love after Padme basically telling him in no uncertain terms to go f**k himself is astonishing! "CRAP! Guys!!! We're running out of film and we've just filmed Padme telling him no for the fourth time.. They should be falling in love already!".

Another pretty amazing transition is how pedestrian the Jedi/Sith are in the last 3 films. This isn't so much a fault of the last 3 films, more George Lucas going WAY over the top with the first 3 films, but you hit the 4th and suddenly anyone wielding a light sabre moves with the speed of a large lazy St Bernard. In the first 3 you genuinely believed nothing could stop a Jedi, bar another Jedi-esque character, and even then a good old fight would ensue first (Well, apart from the bit they go to arrest S.Chancellor Palpatine/Lord Sideous and he kills 3 Jedi masters without so much as a 'En Guard!" - Naturally Samuel L then proceeds to whoop his ass - Until Anakin turns into a whiny bitch again). I'm pretty sure my gran could have taken down Darth Vader with her golf clubs.

The first 3 films reek of convenience. The story needed more than 3 films to properly develop but that just isn't Hollywood so they grabbed a VacBag and crammed it all in there anyway. The last 3 films reek of age. They're better, but only because to be worse than the first 3 you would have had to pay for your cinema ticket and receive a slap in the face instead.

Week 8

2.5 is not an 8th. According to a recent study performed by me looking at my Facebook homepage. A group has been created to (You really couldn't make this up) highlight the downright rotten practices of local drug dealers (The scoundrels!). Reading the comments posted it's no surprise the classification of marijuana was raised; it makes you thick.

The group description gives you an accurate idea where this is going:

"its a rip offf should be 3.5 what the f**k is going on".

If the police ever wanted easy pickings for possession, Facebook provides.

"excuses!! u customers fink us shottas gt it easy!! its gone up 5bills a bar in the last 4 years... so every year the size has to go down... u lot js love 2 moann lol"

I presume he's a dealer. Evidently not a massively smart one.

Enough of the social mockery. Onto the photos. The crit for Digital Imaging and Studio Practice (Longhand for Photoshopping shi*t) went well. Very well really. Here is the image I submitted for the theme 'Incongruous'. The initial idea was a light-hearted poke at the expansion of speed camera programs and ever lowered speed limits. A speed camera making it's way into the countryside and flashing a stationary cow. Unfortunately something had to be shot in the studio to fulfil the brief, which is where the farmer came in. More unfortunate was the farmer watering down the message, which was really the only negative from the crit. Still, he has a gun. It's all good.

Click for a bigger image.

A quick rundown of how the image was created. And I do mean quick. Most of the important little steps have been removed for sanities sake.

1) The photograph of the cow was the basis for the project. To get the pool of light for the speed camera I had my assistant stand in shot with a flashgun in the same place I wanted to add the speed camera. Pointing the flashgun at the cow at height (Approx speed camera-ish) gave me the lighting for the final piece.
2) The shot of the speed camera was simple. Keeping the same focal length (35mm approx) for correct distortion I placed the speed camera in the same part of the frame (Though on the opposite side due to driving on the left in the UK) as the standing assistant. This kept the perspective true for easy cut-out/drop-in to the main picture.
3) The shot of the farmer was taken in the studio. Setting up a strobe with a medium reflector bare and hard to best match the light created by the flash gun, on a stand flashing in the same direction & height. Again, by using the same focal length and good placement I knew the perspective would be correct.
4) First post-production step was to remove the man for a bare canvas to work with. This didn't have to be perfect as the speed camera would cover up some of the rough edges. I made the cow 20% bigger (It wasn't fully grown according to the farmer) for a little more presence.
5) Next I cut out the speed camera and dropped it into the main image. Flipping it to get it pointing the right way. This needed a lot of darkening as it was now technically sat in shadow. I added a touch of blur for it to fit in with the depth of field. A grass overlay for the bottom of the post made it look part of the landscape.
6) Cutting out the farmer was a little trickier than the speed camera, but merging him into the photograph even more so. As he was stood in the light there was no darkness to cover mistakes. He now had to cast a shadow on the ground and the foliage behind him (Exposure adjustment layer + Wacom + One badass layer mask). He also needed some curves to adjust the tone more in-fitting with the overall image. Finally some grass overlay on his boots to make him look like he's stood in the field.
7) Lastly I added some rain. It was raining in the original image but not so much that it was a dominating aspect. This was merely a taste decision and I felt the added atmosphere was worthwhile.

So there you have it. One DISP project. If I get round to it (Or if anyone asks) I'l post up the original images used to create it.

Edit: Figured it was better to add the 3 files as little thumbs at the bottom of the picture. Updated.
Second Edit: The downsampling has created a slight white halo around the cow and farmer. I'm not going to remove it but just to confirm that's not dodgy cutting out!

Week 7

Ahoy!

A tone far too upbeat for my current mood I'm afraid to say. Back in Bournemouth after a long and arduous journey from Manchester where (I kid you not), a passenger thought it suitable to change his kids nappy and trousers on the seat next to me, despite Virgin providing suitable nappy changing facilities IN THE TOILETS. Loud kids, a jobs worth bus driver, and a Tesco's cash machine failing to perform it's one single duty killing any last hope I had this evening of a Chinese takeaway. Sufficed to say, I'm perhaps not quite as upbeat as I was this morning.

On the upside tomorrow I return to University.

I've not shot anything over the Christmas holidays due to DIY commitments previously mentioned, and a few other Snow related incidents hammering transportation and the like. However I would like to point out that despite the Snow being disruptive in nature, there is no need to call it, and I quote the Metro front page, "The worst weather in 30 years". Worst weather my eye, this is the best we've had in ages. No other weather sparks such good will to your fellow man. Few public gatherings are as much fun and high spirited as sledging either.

Photography! http://cyanatrendland.com/2009/12/17/ulrich-hartmann-photography/ Here. Beauuuutiful.

I've also been playing with some Hasselblad H3D-39 files with their tethering/RAW developing program Phocus. The interface is a touch gimmicky in places and some parts aren't as blindingly obvious as C1, but in many respects there are only so many ways to create a RAW developing program. If you've used one you can often blunder your way through them all. The files though.. Phew! 39mp works out at a rather generous 7216 x 5416px, not far off on the short side what my 5D2 puts out on the long side! Needless to say they're mightily impressive. The detail is much of a muchness. I'm unsure what use I would have for that sheer amount of resolution, but the DR and shadow detail is where it's at. I'm not about to give up the handling and speed of my DSLR, but give me that depth in my Canon please!

I shall post some more of my own work up tomorrow after the Crit. Huzzah!

Week 6

Now this week it is. Just.

This is my NYE resolution post. Aims and whatnot for the year ahead. And hopefully even a little inspiration for some of your own.

1. Don't start smoking. So in a years time I don't have to roll out the same old bored tiring "Quit smoking" NYE resolution. Has anyone in the history of time ever genuinely given up smoking because of this?
2. Get my foot in the door of a photographer for whom I hold a great deal of genuine interest and admiration.
3. Scrap my current website.
4. Create brand image for new business and actually set the damn thing up.
5. Take as many steps as possible toward creating a functioning commercial photographic business. Make smart investments for products that will actually aid my work, not just things I think it would be neat to have.
6. Learn to play the piano. Because I'm pretty happy where I'm at with the guitar.

It's all pretty standard stuff I guess, no revelations. Maybe you've just remembered what you've been meaning to do and haven’t (Yes, you should commit and buy that new camera!).

Hope you've all made some good resolutions and best of luck in achieving them!

Week 5

It's not. But for the sake of simple formatting we're just going to have to let that one go. We've had Christmas and New Year, and I've been at home/travelling about without a computer for the lot of it.. Posting blogs isn't the most fun from a phone so I've refrained until at a proper keyboard with a screen larger than 3.5 inches.

So, Hope you all had a Merry Christmas And I wish everyone a happy new year. I tried to send a text out to some of my nearest and dearest on NYE and was told on 4 separate occasions the message failed to send. Turned out it hadn't failed, so rather than receive messages back of good will and happiness, All I received was a flurry of "Stop sending me the same message 4 times, you idiot!". Nevertheless, I've been fortunate enough to see almost all of my family over the festive break, and now I've had my rest I can't wait to get back and start studying again (Gods honest truth! Not sure I've ever been excited returning to education).

Alas we're hitting the ground running, landing straight back into a Crit for our Digital Imaging Studio Practice project (We just call it DISP). I'll post the image I'm submitting when I'm back at my computer. Either way I put a lot of effort into it, and it's turned out pretty good. And unlike our Tech Workshops project this image was subject to a little more creative input.

On a more general note, never agree to fit laminate flooring yourself. It's a royal pain in the ass. Even more so when you're doing it for steak and ham.

This week I have learnt: Profiteroles are good.